in the midst of my researches now
but i just felt a need to blog in order for me to feel better and i can concentrate on my work.
in the morning i was listening to the 100.3 and heard 2 ways that they taught to make a person feel better
to get rid of the negative emotions in the fastest way possible.
the first method i tried and it didnt work very well on me in this case.
i tried the second method and somehow it works for me quite well,
that is, whenever a person makes you upset, or angry or negative
you can either say it out loud, or in your heart "thank you" sincerely. a heartfel thanks.
initially when i heard it i didnt catch what they meant
but then when they explained it further i kind of understand it better.
whenever a person makes you upset,
you say "thank you" not to that particular person, but to others.
they said that there are always two sides to a thing/situation.
when somebody makes you upset because they dont treasure you,
you thank the others whom treasures you.
when a certain somebody are not willing to give up certain things for you,
you thank the others whom are willing to make certain sacrifices just for your sake.
there are always bound to be people whom doesnt treat you as their priority
because to them you are just not as important as compared to other people
for that matter, you have to admit, accept and move on.
yet at the same time, there will be people whom treats you as their priority
whenever you need them, they will be right there for you.
they will be willing to put down things they have on hand
just to attend or get to you to make you feel better.
for these people, you thank them sincerely.
thinking about them makes me feel happy
because there are the people whom you should treasure.
because there are people whom doesnt treasure you,
this makes the others whom treasure you, more special and important.
they are the people whom you should give them priority to
so to all these people out there,
sincere thanks for making me your priority
thanks for treasuring me
thanks for loving me :)
i feel blessed :)
^^
back to work!
but i just felt a need to blog in order for me to feel better and i can concentrate on my work.
in the morning i was listening to the 100.3 and heard 2 ways that they taught to make a person feel better
to get rid of the negative emotions in the fastest way possible.
the first method i tried and it didnt work very well on me in this case.
i tried the second method and somehow it works for me quite well,
that is, whenever a person makes you upset, or angry or negative
you can either say it out loud, or in your heart "thank you" sincerely. a heartfel thanks.
initially when i heard it i didnt catch what they meant
but then when they explained it further i kind of understand it better.
whenever a person makes you upset,
you say "thank you" not to that particular person, but to others.
they said that there are always two sides to a thing/situation.
when somebody makes you upset because they dont treasure you,
you thank the others whom treasures you.
when a certain somebody are not willing to give up certain things for you,
you thank the others whom are willing to make certain sacrifices just for your sake.
there are always bound to be people whom doesnt treat you as their priority
because to them you are just not as important as compared to other people
for that matter, you have to admit, accept and move on.
yet at the same time, there will be people whom treats you as their priority
whenever you need them, they will be right there for you.
they will be willing to put down things they have on hand
just to attend or get to you to make you feel better.
for these people, you thank them sincerely.
thinking about them makes me feel happy
because there are the people whom you should treasure.
because there are people whom doesnt treasure you,
this makes the others whom treasure you, more special and important.
they are the people whom you should give them priority to
so to all these people out there,
sincere thanks for making me your priority
thanks for treasuring me
thanks for loving me :)
i feel blessed :)
^^
back to work!
- Mood:
cheerful
Still the weird feeling everytime im in a hospital.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
A brand new start
Just feel that i needed to do that just to make everybody feel better
to provide a sense of security for the ones that i love
to show that i am able to get over the past for a brand new start
to remind myself of my present, current and only choice :)
it's really time that i do that.
all the best to the person out there,
i believe you know who you are :)
thanks for all that you've done for me over the past years
you made me feel extremely blessed to have you by my side :)
did some stuffs to physically remind myself that it's a fresh start.
i will constantly remind myself of that till it becomes intuitive.
:)
all the best :)
Just feel that i needed to do that just to make everybody feel better
to provide a sense of security for the ones that i love
to show that i am able to get over the past for a brand new start
to remind myself of my present, current and only choice :)
it's really time that i do that.
all the best to the person out there,
i believe you know who you are :)
thanks for all that you've done for me over the past years
you made me feel extremely blessed to have you by my side :)
did some stuffs to physically remind myself that it's a fresh start.
i will constantly remind myself of that till it becomes intuitive.
:)
all the best :)
- Mood:determined
just needed a day, to put things right :)
--
first of all, met MC, shirl and ibu at sls in the morning :)
was afraid that it will be kind of awkward for them to meet MC
because they are the first whom actually met MC in person
so he helped ibu with her router, hdd and adapters.
am a noob at such stuffs and i'm glad that MC is able to help her with it :)
always like the way he is ever confident about his stuffs
somehow to a noob like me, this makes it more impressive.
shirl and ibu then left for their own stuffs in the afternoon
and we continued to hang around at sls cus he wanted to buy his stuffs to build a computer.
sometimes i wonder what's so interesting about building a computer
buying motherboard etc etc all those basic components
and piecing them tgt
perhaps it's the sense of achievements ba
--
seeing friends around me walking out of past relationships
and getting over it
accepting new guys/girls
makes me feel really happy for them :)
i believe everybody deserves their own share of happiness :)
and somehow i believe that i should be giving them my support
all the best to all of you :D
--
the CIBA test is really getting onto my nerves
going to pester Huei Ming on Monday.
--
a tiring but fulfiling day :)
--
first of all, met MC, shirl and ibu at sls in the morning :)
was afraid that it will be kind of awkward for them to meet MC
because they are the first whom actually met MC in person
so he helped ibu with her router, hdd and adapters.
am a noob at such stuffs and i'm glad that MC is able to help her with it :)
always like the way he is ever confident about his stuffs
somehow to a noob like me, this makes it more impressive.
shirl and ibu then left for their own stuffs in the afternoon
and we continued to hang around at sls cus he wanted to buy his stuffs to build a computer.
sometimes i wonder what's so interesting about building a computer
buying motherboard etc etc all those basic components
and piecing them tgt
perhaps it's the sense of achievements ba
--
seeing friends around me walking out of past relationships
and getting over it
accepting new guys/girls
makes me feel really happy for them :)
i believe everybody deserves their own share of happiness :)
and somehow i believe that i should be giving them my support
all the best to all of you :D
--
the CIBA test is really getting onto my nerves
going to pester Huei Ming on Monday.
--
a tiring but fulfiling day :)
so it's internship day 5
today started off with the same thing, researches and more researches
air in the nano lab is really dry and it's hurting my eyes due to my contacts.
In the afternoon, YingHui then brought me into the Clean Room.
first experience there and it was exciting, though i'm not allowed to do the eletroplating yet
but wearing the full lab coat with mask, shoes, hair cap, gloves, goggles, disinfecting and all
makes me feel as though i'm preparing for something dangerous and all
so he showed me the dummy nickel testplate
and then did another silicon wafer and we leave it running till next monday.
went back to the nanolab and realised that the rest had left for the conference
and i was locked out of the nano lab because i didnt bring my matric card out.
luckily yinghui was there.
huei ming told me the wrong venue, and then i keep hunting for a venue that doesnt exist.
but then, overall today was fine.
---
headed down to scape
and the noob me called valerie for help because i was lost
eventhough i've been there at least thrice.
no sense of direction
but nevertheless, thanks valneo for ur help! :)
the party was quite fun
and because different cliques had different rooms
things wasnt as awkward that i thought it will be
and that hug from peehole was all worth the effort :)
i guess sometimes the best present is just the presence.
had a good time catching up
though i didnt really know how to answer when everybody is asking me about the rest of the amksians
--
sometimes i wonder who will be the ones that will make the effort
i see yenru going alone because the rest of her clique is not free
but yet because they are the best of friends, she's there. for her sake.
sometimes i wonder if it's me, who will be the ones who will be willing to make the effort,
just for my sake?
i'm guilty of not attending bday parties.
like my dearest C.G's birhday party tomorrow
it is not that i dont treasure her as a friend
not that i dont love her
if so, then what's stopping me from attending?
---
and please, stop pushing the blame on me.
blame it on ur laziness
the fact that you are spoilt.
the fact that you are taking me for granted.
i can tell you honestly that im losing it
losing the want
losing faith and confidence
and i honestly dont know how long more can i last.
---
a long day today
today started off with the same thing, researches and more researches
air in the nano lab is really dry and it's hurting my eyes due to my contacts.
In the afternoon, YingHui then brought me into the Clean Room.
first experience there and it was exciting, though i'm not allowed to do the eletroplating yet
but wearing the full lab coat with mask, shoes, hair cap, gloves, goggles, disinfecting and all
makes me feel as though i'm preparing for something dangerous and all
so he showed me the dummy nickel testplate
and then did another silicon wafer and we leave it running till next monday.
went back to the nanolab and realised that the rest had left for the conference
and i was locked out of the nano lab because i didnt bring my matric card out.
luckily yinghui was there.
huei ming told me the wrong venue, and then i keep hunting for a venue that doesnt exist.
but then, overall today was fine.
---
headed down to scape
and the noob me called valerie for help because i was lost
eventhough i've been there at least thrice.
no sense of direction
but nevertheless, thanks valneo for ur help! :)
the party was quite fun
and because different cliques had different rooms
things wasnt as awkward that i thought it will be
and that hug from peehole was all worth the effort :)
i guess sometimes the best present is just the presence.
had a good time catching up
though i didnt really know how to answer when everybody is asking me about the rest of the amksians
--
sometimes i wonder who will be the ones that will make the effort
i see yenru going alone because the rest of her clique is not free
but yet because they are the best of friends, she's there. for her sake.
sometimes i wonder if it's me, who will be the ones who will be willing to make the effort,
just for my sake?
i'm guilty of not attending bday parties.
like my dearest C.G's birhday party tomorrow
it is not that i dont treasure her as a friend
not that i dont love her
if so, then what's stopping me from attending?
---
and please, stop pushing the blame on me.
blame it on ur laziness
the fact that you are spoilt.
the fact that you are taking me for granted.
i can tell you honestly that im losing it
losing the want
losing faith and confidence
and i honestly dont know how long more can i last.
---
a long day today
1) the point when it hit me,
not that surprised that it actually do matter to me still
and when i stoned for a moment,
i realised that it didnt hit me that hard
not as bad as what i thought it will be.
and then, it's the realization that 'hey maybe i've really gotten over it'
not quite sure if it is something to be happy about
but i guess it is acceptance that i'm feeling right now.
---
2) i guess we are just meeting for the sake of meeting
talking for the sake of talking
doing things for the sake of do so
or at least, i think i am.
because all i know is that if i dont do this, if i dont add the emoticons,
if i'm being ever truthful to you again
things will not end up on a good note.
so just to prevent upsets, i laugh for the sake of laughing
i text for the sake of texting
because there's no common topic,
it is back to the i-ask-just-to-keep-in-contact-but-not-be
which i totally dread.
if that's the case, i rather we just do our own stuffs separately
i will feel happier this way
honestly happier??
maybe no, i'm not sure.
but i wonder if it is because i'm too tired to make the extra effort
or i no longer feel the need to, or worst, the want to
---
3) i think as for you,
in your case, you should be more tactful
and not posting it on social media like facebook
as though you are bragging about it
i mean cant you sms the other party?
if you know that it will hurt some others when they saw the post?
dont you feel guilty?
why can you still be so open about it?
put urself in that situation,
wont you feel hurt?
if not for the fact that both are my good friends,
i would have told you off, right in your face.
---
as i continue to think and ponder,
i cant help but get disappointed with human nature
with others, with mine.
---
sis's science sa2 paper tomorrow.
All the best mei :)
not that surprised that it actually do matter to me still
and when i stoned for a moment,
i realised that it didnt hit me that hard
not as bad as what i thought it will be.
and then, it's the realization that 'hey maybe i've really gotten over it'
not quite sure if it is something to be happy about
but i guess it is acceptance that i'm feeling right now.
---
2) i guess we are just meeting for the sake of meeting
talking for the sake of talking
doing things for the sake of do so
or at least, i think i am.
because all i know is that if i dont do this, if i dont add the emoticons,
if i'm being ever truthful to you again
things will not end up on a good note.
so just to prevent upsets, i laugh for the sake of laughing
i text for the sake of texting
because there's no common topic,
it is back to the i-ask-just-to-keep-in-contact-but-not-be
which i totally dread.
if that's the case, i rather we just do our own stuffs separately
i will feel happier this way
honestly happier??
maybe no, i'm not sure.
but i wonder if it is because i'm too tired to make the extra effort
or i no longer feel the need to, or worst, the want to
---
3) i think as for you,
in your case, you should be more tactful
and not posting it on social media like facebook
as though you are bragging about it
i mean cant you sms the other party?
if you know that it will hurt some others when they saw the post?
dont you feel guilty?
why can you still be so open about it?
put urself in that situation,
wont you feel hurt?
if not for the fact that both are my good friends,
i would have told you off, right in your face.
---
as i continue to think and ponder,
i cant help but get disappointed with human nature
with others, with mine.
---
sis's science sa2 paper tomorrow.
All the best mei :)
So today was quite alright
at least i managed to concentrate in the morning and really did some research
just that all the equations freaked me out
and as for Boyang, I cross my fingers that he doesnt get the prototype out by end of the internship
if not, our year 3 design project will be on STM again :(
other than that, today's quite alright.
evening chats with USUALS was fun :)
Welcome home Greenturtle :) take care of urself eh!! hope you are fine now ^^ rest well tonight!
and Shar! Please remind me to remind joey abt my shirt in case she forgets :(
Joey! remember eh! ^^
---
Sent that sms to Peehole, and after reading her reply, i feel extremely guilty.
somehow i felt i could have put in more effort in our friendship
i believe that if it is the other way round, she will be there.
and for her sake, i will go :) no matter how tired, i will.
because she was there with me throughout.
8 years of friendship, whenever i need her she will be there for me
i decided that this friendship is worth treasuring
it is worth the effort.
---
perhaps it's been a long time every since i was fussed over and all
that the naggings made me feel loved
it made me feel as though we were back to secondary school days
when you will remind me to take my medicine then
when you will get really angry when i dont have my lunch on time
when we smsed every day, almost every hour and i'm not even exaggerating
it's been so long
and just when i thought that all was lost, you are able to put things right once again :)
because of this, i'm looking forward to alumni :)
in front of you, i will always be back to a junior
somebody who's childish and yearning for some attention.
i decided to give us one more chance
i trust that things will be able to return :)
faith :)
---
:)
at least i managed to concentrate in the morning and really did some research
just that all the equations freaked me out
and as for Boyang, I cross my fingers that he doesnt get the prototype out by end of the internship
if not, our year 3 design project will be on STM again :(
other than that, today's quite alright.
evening chats with USUALS was fun :)
Welcome home Greenturtle :) take care of urself eh!! hope you are fine now ^^ rest well tonight!
and Shar! Please remind me to remind joey abt my shirt in case she forgets :(
Joey! remember eh! ^^
---
Sent that sms to Peehole, and after reading her reply, i feel extremely guilty.
somehow i felt i could have put in more effort in our friendship
i believe that if it is the other way round, she will be there.
and for her sake, i will go :) no matter how tired, i will.
because she was there with me throughout.
8 years of friendship, whenever i need her she will be there for me
i decided that this friendship is worth treasuring
it is worth the effort.
---
perhaps it's been a long time every since i was fussed over and all
that the naggings made me feel loved
it made me feel as though we were back to secondary school days
when you will remind me to take my medicine then
when you will get really angry when i dont have my lunch on time
when we smsed every day, almost every hour and i'm not even exaggerating
it's been so long
and just when i thought that all was lost, you are able to put things right once again :)
because of this, i'm looking forward to alumni :)
in front of you, i will always be back to a junior
somebody who's childish and yearning for some attention.
i decided to give us one more chance
i trust that things will be able to return :)
faith :)
---
:)
I know i've been ranting/complaining alot on twitter
but allow me to continue here.
so today, day 2 of internship finally ended.
i wonder how i can push through 12 weeks when i'm already feeling like that after day 2
so a few updates:
1) Jeron and I finally caught YingHui today at the Lab
He's a PHD student in his last year here and of course, he is super smart
lesson learnt today: never trust a phd student when he says that it's super easy
nevertheless, he is extremely nice (at least up till now) and i hope that i will be able to learn alot from him
2) Charlie White (a student from University of Toronto) arrived today
and he is just.. SMART.
a year 2 student (year 3 this August), he came in and looked at his STM project
and seems to grasp it so fast.
and his project is even harder than what we did for our year 2 design project because he is integrating polymers in it.
heard that jeron and huei ming is going to make some changes to the STM project for next year's year 2.
Goodlucks to the juniors.
so today i was mainly researching and researching
and when i asked for my Literatures, i was told that i have to source for mine
"because it the working world, we arent supposed to spoonfeed you" - JA VanKan.
oh well.
so up till now i still have NO IDEA how does the XRD or the AFM works
let alone how to analyse the results.
i think when my lab officially starts, i am going to be SO DEAD.
and i'm supposed to find methods to reduce stress in the nickel through the electroplating process
by varying speeds and all?
and then a few weeks later i will be going over to NTU or SIMTech to do Injection Moulding.
went round some ESP Labs today
and the machines look extremely intimidating.
all the 'DANGER' signs and all
and i'm supposed to go through this N95 mask fit test or smth
:(
tomorrow is day 3 and i hope i can survive.
it's either they think too highly of me, or i'm just plain stupid
i seriously wish to dig a hole and just bury myself in it.
everyday i go there and get demoralised
i go there and try to act as though i understand when i dont.
it's like fighting a battle everyday there
and i feel so shagged.
2.5hr journey home is crazy
especially the peak hour is making me feel extremely irritated.
i get impatient, irritated and i feel like snapping at those who gets in my way.
TWELVE WEEKS CHERYL.
---
some decisions to be made
but i've been lazy and pushing them to the back of my mind
and refusing to plan and think properly
ahhh :(
---
ZZZ
but allow me to continue here.
so today, day 2 of internship finally ended.
i wonder how i can push through 12 weeks when i'm already feeling like that after day 2
so a few updates:
1) Jeron and I finally caught YingHui today at the Lab
He's a PHD student in his last year here and of course, he is super smart
lesson learnt today: never trust a phd student when he says that it's super easy
nevertheless, he is extremely nice (at least up till now) and i hope that i will be able to learn alot from him
2) Charlie White (a student from University of Toronto) arrived today
and he is just.. SMART.
a year 2 student (year 3 this August), he came in and looked at his STM project
and seems to grasp it so fast.
and his project is even harder than what we did for our year 2 design project because he is integrating polymers in it.
heard that jeron and huei ming is going to make some changes to the STM project for next year's year 2.
Goodlucks to the juniors.
so today i was mainly researching and researching
and when i asked for my Literatures, i was told that i have to source for mine
"because it the working world, we arent supposed to spoonfeed you" - JA VanKan.
oh well.
so up till now i still have NO IDEA how does the XRD or the AFM works
let alone how to analyse the results.
i think when my lab officially starts, i am going to be SO DEAD.
and i'm supposed to find methods to reduce stress in the nickel through the electroplating process
by varying speeds and all?
and then a few weeks later i will be going over to NTU or SIMTech to do Injection Moulding.
went round some ESP Labs today
and the machines look extremely intimidating.
all the 'DANGER' signs and all
and i'm supposed to go through this N95 mask fit test or smth
:(
tomorrow is day 3 and i hope i can survive.
it's either they think too highly of me, or i'm just plain stupid
i seriously wish to dig a hole and just bury myself in it.
everyday i go there and get demoralised
i go there and try to act as though i understand when i dont.
it's like fighting a battle everyday there
and i feel so shagged.
2.5hr journey home is crazy
especially the peak hour is making me feel extremely irritated.
i get impatient, irritated and i feel like snapping at those who gets in my way.
TWELVE WEEKS CHERYL.
---
some decisions to be made
but i've been lazy and pushing them to the back of my mind
and refusing to plan and think properly
ahhh :(
---
ZZZ
1ST DAY OF INTERNSHIP
i've got loads to rant about
and i told myself that i've got to blog every single thing down when i reached home
but when i got home i lost the urge to blog
and i guess the best way for me to rant is through my twitter
so i've been flooding my twitter on my way home.
really need to thank ibu for forcing me to set up a twitter account
and i love how my twitter works because i dont have alot of followers
last alumni band prac, had 2 more naz n yy and i feel that i've quite had enough
because i'm not comfortable with sharing my innermost thoughts with too many people
tomorrow's another day.
oh well...
i shall regain my positivity by the end of today.
i've got loads to rant about
and i told myself that i've got to blog every single thing down when i reached home
but when i got home i lost the urge to blog
and i guess the best way for me to rant is through my twitter
so i've been flooding my twitter on my way home.
really need to thank ibu for forcing me to set up a twitter account
and i love how my twitter works because i dont have alot of followers
last alumni band prac, had 2 more naz n yy and i feel that i've quite had enough
because i'm not comfortable with sharing my innermost thoughts with too many people
tomorrow's another day.
oh well...
i shall regain my positivity by the end of today.
So finally after 3 years, i picked up the clarinet once again and attended the alumni band practice.
Attendence was alright, but the standard was seriously not there
but honestly, we cant expect much because it is like the 1st or 2nd band prac for most of us
and majority of us didnt touch our instruments for a long long time.
though it's only a few hours, but then again, i enjoyed myself alot :)
had the usual cut in my lower inner lips
and my mouth is like aching, arms aching etc.
been a long time since i sucked on a reed and the familiar woody taste lingers.
my diaphragm is like aching now because i forced myself to play for 3 long breaves each time before i breathe.
but then i'm happy that i sounded quite alright :)
of course i was rather sad with the airy sound in the beginning
and was disappointed that my embrochure didnt last for long before air started leaking
but soon i got the hang of it :)
requested to play the 3rd clarinet part because i wasnt confident enough to conquer the freaking high notes in 1st clar
but was faced with another problem because im seriously not used to looking at low notes
and half the time i was asking kenny what note is this and what note is that. hahas.
sat beside my dear! and was super happy that we managed to talk without any awkwardness
it seems as though we were studying tgt everyday
farhan attended today's prac as well :)
all in all, the practice was fine, just that we really need to work much much much harder because we sounded horrible
and the concert's in 3rd June -.-
love stepping into NYJC compound once again
it's the best school one can possibly ask for (IMO)
it left me with tonnes of fond memories.
and i believe that my cliques played a great part.
with valneo, ibu, mimitan, shirl and joc to accompany me when i'm in class
and im extremely thankful that up till now we are still close :)
we still do meet up and all
and i'm glad that i have band to accompany me
with xiangyun, naz, gerard, mh, farhan
i realised i'm really an extremely lucky girl.
everytime when i'm on the topic of NYJC, i believe i can talk for hours or even days without stopping
and i'm serious. hahas.
the sense of familiarity when i stepped into the compound
looking at the track, i remembered the horrible PE days
when i will totally detest running on the track
i rmb pulling and dragging mimitan and forcing her to run.
i walked past the SBJ mat,
and i rmb i can NEVER pass my SBJ
and so, once valneo and ibu and mimitan stood at the other end shouting "Dora Awak Boleh"
they said that they will get me my bagpack if i managed to pass it
but up till now, i still didnt :(
hahas, all those fond memories.
so basically these sums up the good stuffs and thinkings i had today
of course as usual i had some negative/emo thinkings today
was thinking of blogging it down just now.
but now after i blogged all the nice things above
i feel that i shouldnt spoil this post with all the emo stuffs
so i shall end here :)
--
CIAOS
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